Conservatives would like you to know how to get flour, baking soda, salt, sugar, butter, vanilla and chocolate chips. They want you to be free to use an oven. They want to get out of your way and let you do those things - or not - as you see fit.
Liberals want you to hand over all the ingredients, sit there and wait. Then they want to give you cookies. One apiece!
Hold on, not you. You're fat. No cookies for you. Have you been making your own cookies? Hand them over.
You people have terrible teeth. What, do you eat only cookies? Brush your teeth! Everybody give me a nickel and I'll get toothpaste for you. Eat a cookie until I get back.
No, not you, fatty. You come to the store with me. And you give me a quarter for toothpaste. We all have to do our fair share.
Hey, what happened to all the cookies?